In Loving Memory

Remembering your face for the last time before departing,
Seeing my life crash in slow motion, but almost sudden,
Wiping the tears that stained my cheek, and lifting my overburdened head,
Only five years old, remembering the past like a vivid nightmare,
From this moment on I will not have my brother,
I'll have to walk through my life without him.

Watching me self-destruct my very being and throw my sweet dreams out a broken window,
As I witnessed your heart attack which suffocated the life from your lungs, turning you pale until your heart stopped,
And my best friend, my brother, never saw another day,
Why couldn't you trade me places? Why do I have a healthy heart?
Why couldn't I save you?

Although I will see him again, my heart has never been the same,
Electric fences were built & I remain hidden behind a barricade of memories,
Afraid of relationships, fearful of losing again,
Your face has been carved out of my heart of stone, a sculpture,
As a constant reminder of a loved one I lost.

As for the old Italian man who taught me so much wisdom & maturity-
Your eyes were worn and could only see out of the corners,
Taking tubs of medication to soothe the ammonia inside your lungs,
But still cheerful like a child on christmas morning,
Your partially blind eyes still sparkled with a lively spirit, until one fateful day,
The Lord called him home too.
"Why did my great grandpa have to leave?" My heart still questions...

What ever happened to my cousin's brother Drake?
You were laid back and open-minded, loving everyone even though you didn't know them,
Sharing memories of laughing without a care in the world,
As the cancer infested your bones and swept through your body like a colony of ants,
Eating your insides away to nothing,
Left with your lifeless corpse and the echoes of your happiness.
Why did you have to go?

Though I know I will see you three again my heart still heavy, remembering and left with a bittersweet taste in my mouth,
Forever your closed eyes will hold the memory,
Enclosed in a unfinished letter, unwritten story,
Cut off but will one day see again,
To live the life I was meant to live,
One day, but I won't die with you from the inside out,
Today I won't die a gory death,
For this is in loving memory.